Britney and her All-Powerful Crotch

Ok, is there one person on the planet we call Earth that hasn’t heard about Britney’s privates becoming…well…not so private? Honestly, what’s the fascination? I fail to see the irrational power her particular labia hold over the rest of humanity. Don’t follow me? Well, let’s do the math:

1.) She’s a mediocre singer, at best, who some say (hope) is on the verge of a comeback
2.) She married her high school buddy for all of 90+ hours before calling it quits
3.) The one movie she made at the ‘height’ of her singing career bombed horribly
4.) She married, again, to the slob of the year and suppressed her gag reflex enough to actually have children with him.
5.) Then, after birthing his two kids, he has the guts to go run out and have an affair with a porn star?*

We all could see the inevitable emotional breakdown that could come about from all of this, but is it any reason to go flashing your neither regions to the world? Even beyond that, when the looser father of your precious kids is fighting for FULL CUSTODY, what sense does it make to go out, hookup with the two most awful influences a person could find and collectively decide to put on a mini-porn showing? Does this smack of a responsible mother who’s up to the (very large) task of raising two young children? Of course not!

So where does it all end? One of two ways, according to how I see things:
1.) Someone talks to the budding bonehead of the year and tell her to straighten up, or the only thing she’ll see of her kids is what photog’s can snap and sell to Star magazine. She listens, gets back in the studio, keeps her children (and her dignity), and puts on the comeback of the century, or:

2.) She totally ignores this wise person (whoever they maybe), continues partying and putting on impromptu adult-oriented show and tells, and K-Fed, looser extraordinaire, will become K-Fed, sole provider of her kids.

Either way, I still fail to see how her labia holds so much world-stopping power. It’s evident to even the most half-brained twit out there that there’s far better looking ‘eye candy’ if one wishes to find it. Britney, as of late, has become unkempt to the point of being a bit frumpy in a whorish sort of way (the nasty hair extensions HAVE to go!). She’s also a bit lumpy, which, honestly, having two kids will do that to anyone, but still, she’s not exactly covergirl material anymore (and never really was to me…)

This has gone way beyond shock; irrational, stupid, and sad…really sad, is what it truly is. People tend to forget that at the center of this are two, very young, very innocent children. One can only hope and pray that this is a very temporary phase in her life. I mean, honestly, how many of you actually think that Keven Federline has the ability to be a good father?? Anyone willing to take that chance?

I didn’t think so…

*So apparently Kenda Jade, the supposed ‘other person’ K-Fed’s been having an affair with, adamantly denies sleeping with Keven. Yes, they’re in the same circle of friends, yes, she used to be an ‘exotic dancer’ and porn star, and she even crashed at an apartment where K-Fed was staying, but, according to her, ‘nothing happened’. You can read her statement here. But given the little description of how she acted on the Howard Stern Radio Show not too long ago, I’d take whatever she says with a grain of salt (a large, 2-ton grain)


~ by Deuce on December 3, 2006.

2 Responses to “Britney and her All-Powerful Crotch”

  1. Britney’s crotch has probably been the most popular thing on WordPress all week

  2. Perhaps Britney was “going commando” in spport of our troops and the President…

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