Black and White: The Double Standard

So it’s been awhile since I posted my first entry on interracial dating, and I’m still getting comments about it. Most of them offer some perspective on the issue. It’s been interesting to watch the responses I’ve been getting. It’s been evenly split, as I expected it to be, with most of the males pointing to previous bad experiences with black women as the main reason to date outside of their race. Most black women who’ve commented point out that the whole “bad experience” card isn’t really valid, and I would tend to agree.

If people were to base their dating decisions soley on experiences, here’s what would happen:

  • No African American would date a white person, because EVERY African American has had at least one bad experience with a racist white person, no matter where this black person lives.
  • There would be more black women dating white men or men from other races. Let’s face it, there are more bad examples of black men out there than there are of black women. There is a hugely disproportionate amount of black ‘dead-beat’ dads out there who neglect their children, or are poor examples of human beings, much less men.

Also, there seems to be a huge double standard set up by black women regarding this issue.
For instance, most black women will say that it’s totally ok if a black woman decides to date outsider the race. After all, most black women either currently believes, or has in the past, that there are few, if any, “good black men” around. Seriously, who could blame them for making that observation? Most of the prison population is comprised of black males. Most of the drug problem in the United States is committed by young black men. But if any of these young black men date outside of the race, it’s an instant and severe insult to nearly every black woman everywhere. Said mix couple is almost sure to endure dirty looks at the least, and snide, rude comments directed at them at the worst. However, there are more than prison-bound, drug-addicted black men about. In fact, I would say that for every black man in prison, and/or on drugs, there are at least two to three black men in either college or with jobs, trying hard to dispel the negative stereotype of the “young black man”.

So what about these young men? I attend a HBCU (Historically Black College or University) that’s full of young, aspiring, smart, and SINGLE young black men who are routinely looked over by black women for the jokers, class clowns, and black frat boys who’d rather skip school to sit out on the plaza/quad/courtyard. It’s almost as if the majority of black women choose to put themselves in situations where they should know that they will have a bad experience. Yet, when this predictable bad experience happens, black women are quick to blame the totality of the black male race (good ones included) denouncing them as “no good” and “dogs”.

It’s no wonder more and more black men are choosing to date outside of the race. As I stated in my last entry, many black men blame the drama many black women surround themselves with as their main motivation. Besides, the only barriers facing interracial couples today are cultural ones, set up by both parties. Many whites still will not recognize that “mixing races” is not (or, rather, should not) be a taboo subject. Many blacks, especially black women, view forming interracial relationships as a treasonous act against the black race. One black female I know termed interracial relationships “sleeping with the enemy”. Yet, given the chance, most black women would at least consider dating white man, and many would even take it one step further by actually giving the relationship a fair chance. The only thing I wonder is why can’t black men have that same chance?

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~ by Deuce on April 22, 2007.

One Response to “Black and White: The Double Standard”

  1. Dear Ice,

    As a black woman, I believe you should date whom ever you want. Everyone should be able to choose who they want to be with in this lifetime; howvever, I think many these interracial relationship discussion have gone overboard whether online, personal, or in the media.

    You do not have to belittle your own group with stereotypes and myths to explain why you are dating or marrying outside of your race. Just because one black person has a bad experience inside their race does not mean that other people are having that experience as well. If a person makes a choice to date outside of their race, I hope they do it out of sincere interest. If not, then maybe that other person better get out while the getting is good. It would then seem like a curiousity thing than the real thing.

    The mature stance in dealing with other who question your choice of dating outside of your race is to either tell other to mind their business, don’t answer them at all, or simply state that you love and/or the person.

    Not every black person is running around rejecting their own people. There are plenty folks with good relationships and marriages and other is not so hot circumstances. You can find great and lousy outside or inside of your race.

    I have known interracial marriages within my own family that were decent. I have an aunt whose first husband was white and that was over 40 years ago and they had three children. She didn’t belittle black men. She knew where she came from and that she had a responsibility to her own children to teach them to respect other black people and accept themselves. Later on, she was widowed and remarried. This time to another uncle who was black and had a fourth child.

    I have also seen positive black relationships. My parents have been married for over 35 years. I hope to achieve the same happiness in my own life. There are many of my family members and friends who have found happiness. I believe in black love and relationships.

    I feel that its all in what you believe. We know about statistics about black men and women. We could go on and on about who is a deadbeat father, who is the baby’s daddy, what stereotype about us was on Maury or any court TV show, who has been to jail, and so on. There has got to be a core of us black folks that believe something positive about one another. If we don’t believe then our own black children will grow up with stereotypes belittling one another and have nothing to hold on to.

    We have to try to raise our children better and be there so that we can keep our kids out of the realm of statistic out on the streets and in jail. There will always be racism and prejudices.
    Our men have be there so do our women.

    I believe that there are black men who are strong and worth it. I was raised by one.

    As black people, we are not the poster children for everything wrong in society. It is bad enough that other people look down on us. We don’t have to look down on each other to date outside of our race. You should date out of love.

    A Down to Earth Sister

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